2007 The Year in Review

Halloween came and went without the intended post about costumes I had as a child, Thanksgiving came and went without a post about my thankfulness, and well… Christmas day came and went; frankly my only wish was to survive… blogging never entered my mind. Here as we are about to enter into a new year, I’d like to reflect on 2007. I intend to take a look at each month individually. Likely in more than one blog.

As a brief intro to 2007, I'll need to address the latter part of 2006... you know I can't tell a partial story!

December 10th 2006, I walked away from the unhealthy relationship of that year. Noticing my tendency to repeat the same patterns over and over, I felt the only way to break that one was to walk completey away from my best friend and any hopes of anything more with her.

Ironically, the same day also introduced me to Jud and Jen and many others who would come to help shape my 2007, followed by a December 16 meeting of Catherine, a re-meeting of Cindy, and a reaquanting with Natalie; Others who have helped me through 2007. Proving to me once again my belief that grief and loss can create a space that can be filled with great things, not a replacement mind you... something completely different and in this case more profound, genuine and fulfilling. Had I not made room for these folks, I feel certain the year would have been dratically more difficult to navigate.

This is me January 1st 2007, before I took down my Christmas tree. See it on the wall? My mom and Forrest made that in 1981. Anyway, my thought at the time was that I might like to use a photo of me and all my pets for my Christmas cards in 2007. Who knew my family would grow this year, making this a dated photo! You should have seen the 32 other photos I took. My tripod and time delay feature on my camera made this possible at all.

I have no specific memories of January. I began my netflix subscription and spent a lot of time at home watching movies and grieving. I did venture out and go to church a couple of times with Mel, who kept my head above water.

February came in with me in better shape emotionally. I saw Girlyman in concert for the 3rd time February 3rd. I believe that's the night I met Tiff, although she believes we met before then. Feb 10th a group of us headed to Cincinnati to the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center and to Jungle Jim's International Market. Here's a collage of some of those photos and a couple of a Feb evening of pizza movies with another Jen friend and my babies.February 10th also marked the first time I knew things weren't right with Forrest. He had called and left me a message, he didn't sound good at all. In retrospect, this was the beginning of watching a train wreck happen in slow motion.

February 16th I was introduced to more pivotal people for me in 2007. I met Jenny, Rachel, Jai, Sarah, and re-met Catherine at a Blue Umbrella's concert at the Monkey Wrench.

I don't know the exact dates, but sometime in January and February I was attending both CCC and NewCentury. I had gone to CCC the first time December 10th and was introduced to the pastor of NewCentury at the same time. Although I was unaware that NewCentury was a church. I was attending the "Just Be" services on Wed nights contently thinking it was "meditation".

In February I participated in Lenten services for the first time in my life and even decided to give up a few thing for the season.

My favorite Feb memory is participating in the headshaving process of a friend for her Lenten journey on Ash Wednesday, Feb 21st.

The last Feb memory I have is of Mardi Gras at Clifton's Pizza. I was beginning to learn that I was way too out of shape to party like the CCC folks can.

So in rolls March... coming in like a lamb and leaving like a lion... I know the saying is the other way around... but not for me, not this year. March 3rd, Katie, Jenny, Tiff and I went to Karaoke after dancing one night. What fun! I remember feeling playful and free and enjoying my many new found friends. Lots of laughing, and developing connections and exploring my spirituality, finding a space, ever so shyly at NewCentury.

Then March 13th, Forrest took his own life. No note left behind. He took everything out of his pockets, left everything on top of the well made bed, went to the garage, presumably to reduce any mess, put a plastic bag over his head and shot himself. Funny that I can type those words with barely a tear in my eye. It stills seems so unreal and today I feel disconnected. There is the pain in my chest, and a lump in my throat, but I find it odd that's all I have. Of course I remember where I was when I found out. I was driving home from work exiting the highway at St. Catherine's Street. I had planned to walk my dogs in the park and didn't know what else to do, so I went on with the plan. Jenny, who I had known for less than a month, met me there and walked with me. Mel was in Puerto Rico. Other folks were still at work. All I could do is walk my dogs. I stopped by Robin and Dianna's. I can't remember anything else from that night. I went to work the next day at 5am and cleaned up somethings, told a few folks what happened, and left to go cut my hair. I felt it was the only thing I had any control over. Later that day, dear Catherine came and picked me up, took me for mint chocolate chip ice cream, to Wild Oats and then to her house where she made me granola. Thursday night, Mel came home. We spoke on the phone many times in the long two days between the time Forrest died and her return. I was so glad she was home. The next few days are a blur of more supportive phone calls and visits and a re-piercing of my ear... another controllable event.

Here are 2 pics of me the day after Forrest died and the rest are pictures taken during my 10 hour stay in Florida on St. Patrick's Day for Forrest's funeral. My plane landed in Orlando at 8:30am and left at 6:30pm. This was followed by the death of my biological father's mother exactly a week after Forrest's death. Before I headed to West Virginia for that funeral... I headed to the woods for an overnight stay March 20th in a cabin at Otter Creek. March 21st I attended NewCentury and discovered it was actually "church". There was communion and everything. Turns out they do this the 3rd Wednesday of each month. This one was my first, and threw me for a loop, especially while trying to deal with my grief in a quiet space.

I was in West Virginia for less than 24 hours. I had planned an "Everyone Love Kelly Party" for the March 24th, the same day as my grandmother's funeral, and well... I needed it so I drove home. Thanks to Robin and Dianna for hosting my love and support and bourbon filled evening of denial. I had a good time... see for yourself! March 25th, I got a tattoo. I have no more specific memories of March. It ended, and I survived heading full force into a headfirst tumble into April. Thus ends the first quarter of 2007. The review of rest of the year is to be continued...