The Gathering

I’ve been writing this blog in my head for two weeks now, but I have found there really aren’t enough words to convey all that I want to here. However, I feel it is important to try to write it down, both for myself and for those involved in my head-shaving gathering, as well as those who were unable to attend but were there in spirit. This is as close as I can come to verbally sharing my feelings of the experience.

My intent was to gather with those within my overlapping communities who have shared so much and loved and held me through this year, to honor and remember Forrest and to celebrate my survival of the past year.

The evening was an amazing, beautiful and powerful experience for me. Although nervous, I was prepared to have my head shaved. However, I was not at all prepared for the outpouring of love and compassion and blessings that I received. Even less was I prepared to understand how others seemed so touched by the experience. I often tend to feel indebted to others for how much they share with me and how important a role they play in my life. I have never felt that others might feel touched by aspects that I bring to the table. I am humbled by the comments I am still receiving about how the evening affected others.

As you can see from the slide show, my head received many blessings. To steal words from a dear friend; the idea that I don't even have words that can come close to describing the grateful ache in my heart says everything and nothing all at once. What I can say is that I am obviously, and now intentionally and directly very blessed.

As for an update on my head, I am currently maintaining the baldness. Three days after the first shaving, I found that I was in a panic that my hair seemed to be growing so quickly; I was not ready for it to grow back. I was able to wait 5 more days, then had it shaved again. I have since shaved it again. I find in cleansing and liberating in a way that I cannot really describe and a big part of me just isn’t ready to take the next step of replacing the visible sign of my grief. So, for now, I am keeping it shaved. I recommend that everyone shave their head at least once in their life.


When I think of this past year, I think of that Footprints poem where there were two sets of footprints in the sand except during the hardest times, there was only one set because that’s when “The Lord” was carrying her. For me, it’s quite different, I feel like maybe my footprints did disappear, but there were many, many footprints in the sand, from the many, many who have helped carry me through. I know it’s cheesy and sappy… but that is how I feel. That then makes me think of my Sharin’ The Herons theme of 2007 and reminds me how grateful I am that I was able to share the herons and that the weight was distributed amongst so many of you. Thank you to all who have shared and loved and carried me, I am grateful for and have more love than you can imagine for all of you.

Bald is Beautiful Part 2

Before the shave:

After the shave:

Notice the wine; Forrest drove a red truck most of my childhood

My first look at the naked truth

Bald is Beautiful

I just washed my hair for the last time. Well, not the last time ever, but the last time these particular ones on my head will be washed. This evening I will be shaving my head.

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of Forrest's death. I have realized that I have little control over much in this world, but how much hair I have, at this time, I have complete control over.

I will be having a gathering with many who have walked with me and sometimes carried me this past year. Three dear friends will be shearing away layers of grief (and hair) to make room for new growth in this next year.

So, while I made up my mind months ago to shave my head to honor this event in my life, I recently decided to participate in St. Balrick's fundraiser to help raise money for kids with cancer. If you'd like to donate to St Baldricks, check out my page with a great photo of me with my hair combed out- no curls so it's really big.

Whether you choose to donate or not, consider offering up a blessing for me and my naked and exposed grief, awaiting the new growth to begin.


ps I'll post pictures soon